Oh My Gog!!!
On the way to holy hell through 7th heaven. Laughing all the way to the apocalypse. Armageddon it. Are you?
The US Senate’s resident goblin fish just spilt the beans on the capture of DC by its Greatest Ally. Nick Fuentes is telling me not to get too excited about it because Carlson is an obvious CIA plant. And I’m verklempt cuz I wanna pull a Hillary Clinton and scream back in his bewildered, dented face, “At this point, what difference does it make?”
The cat’s out of the fucking bag and no one seems to notice or care that, according to the right honorable senator, America is now a theocracy: a government whose policy is based upon End Times fire and brimstone and Old Testament prophecy.
?????
Separation of Church and State is so passé, darling. Seems we’ve ceded our foreign policy to a bunch of religious nutters of the evangelical persuasion who’d love nothing better than to watch the lovely mushroom clouds blossom like infinite bouquets of lightning-charged chrysanthemums as they rapturously ascend into heaven. Christ almighty, at least the Muslims get 72 virgins, all I got was this lousy hair shirt and the dread realization that the pattern constantly repeating I’ve been seeing since I was knee high to a pelican is once again repeating:
Blame your enemy for that of which you are guilty.
Namely, religious extremism and zealotry.
Well, slap my ass and call me Sally if that isn’t the reason we’re fixing to violently overthrow Iran again for, erm, the Shah of Iran Jr? Hey! What do they say? Everything old is new again. Cue 1953 reprise of his father’s dummyship, compliments of the puppeteers and cold blooded killers of the CIA.
And we the plebes get to thrill to the culmination of Ezekiel’s prophesying and speaking in tongues, no doubt, invoking God’s vengeance upon Gog, the wrathful persecutor of the lost 12 Tribes of Israel.
You will say, “I will invade a land of unwalled villages; I will attack a peaceful and unsuspecting people—all of them living without walls and without gates and bars.” Ezekiel 38:11
Huh? Unwalled villages…peaceful and unsuspecting people…living without walls or gates or bars? That ain’t the Israel I know, and besides, who fights on horseback or with swords these predator drone-filled latter daze? Could it be this is why the Founding Fathers eschewed the notion of combining government and religion…because they didn’t want the fate of the nation to be hanging on the batshit belief that only after mass scale industrial murder could the King of Kings come back to save the day after a tens of millions of people had already violently met their maker?
And, wait a second. Not so fast, see? Who struck first, Gog or Magog? How can poor defenseless Israel claim to be the victim of Gog when they were the unprovoked aggressor? Did we give such forbearance and grace to the Evil Empire Russia, the evangelical’s favorite suspect when it comes to naming the Gog?
A long, awkward pause
No, sir! We din’t!
We interrupt this program with a word from our sponsor, the Washington Senators.
WORLD: You struck first?
DC: Not just who, but Nettan, yeah?
WORLD: Who?
DC: Yes, baby. Notoriously.
WORLD: Israel strikes as it cries out in pain. We know it was you.
DC: Netten, yeah. That’s who. And there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.
WORLD: When you pay off the bag man every week, who gets the money?
DC: We pocket most of it, but a little goes to Xi.
WORLD: Wait, who’s she, and where does she fit into the story?
DC (falls to its knees, pulls out its hair and rends its clothing): Oh my Gogggg!!!!!!!!!!!
And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming:
…about as Semitic as my Uncle Enzo. If anyone can be accused of being anti-Semitic it’s actually Israel. The question is who’s Gogging who?